Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The Tournament of Awesome!

Hear ye, hear ye! Let it be know from this day that this blog shall take unto itself a new, bold direction. Rather than unabashedly celebrating the awesomeness of men, instead the fine authors herein shall rededicate themselves to determining the awesomest thing, via the most efficient means possible: a tournament!

To give you an idea of how awesome the tournament entrants are, here is a listing of items that missed our cut:

“I Love My Mom” Tattoos
#1 sign atop of Grace
1988 National Championship
3 day Weekends
4th of July
Adenosine Triphosphate
American Cheese
Angry Dragon
Away football games when we win
Back to the Future
Backer Long Islands
Bald Eagle
Beach Volleyball
Beating Commies
Being a Fatty
Blowing stuff up/explosions
Blue/Gold Tailgating
Bobbies (thanksgiving in a roll)
Buried treasure
Captain Planet
Casual Fridays
Cheesy Gordita Crunches
Cookie Dough
Corn Mazes
Crazy Fireman
Das Boot
Deer Hunting
Deer Hunting
Dingus Day
Dinner Impossible
DJ Drew
Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive, and Dodge
Dr. House
Dread Pirate Roberts
Drinking games
dry humping
Feelin’ on yo booty
Fire Sauce
Free Food
Fried food on a stick
Friends’ Sisters
Garbage Day
Gas Miracle
Gentle Humping, Not Sexual
Greasy Bacon
Hawaiian Vacations
Health Care Reform
Itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikinis
James Bond
Kentucky Derby
Kermit the Frog
Leopard 2A6 (it's an awesome tank)
Loving Fatties
Making Fatties Pay
Man vs. Wild
Manti Te’o
March Madness
Modular furniture
monkeys throwing poo
Mr. T
Naval rings on chicks
Neil Patrick Harris
Not Wanting to be a Fattie
Notre Dame Stadium
Nuclear submarines
Nunchuck skills
Oreo Truffles
Ozzie Guillen
Pandora Internet Radio
Poloroid cameras
Proper Urinal Etiquette
Red Lobster
Rich Rodriquez at Michigan
Sean Connery
Sexual Healing
Sexy/Slutty _____ Costumes
Shutting down the band
Sleeper Holds
Snowball fights
Squirrel Fishing
State Fairs
Stealth Bombers/Fighters
Super Bowl Parties
Swimming with dolphins
Sylvester Stallone
Tax Refunds
The Bad Touch
The Black Eyed Peas
The Five Second Rule
The Hamburgler
The Landing
The Moon (assuming it’s made of cheese)
The other side of the pillow
The Smell of Napalm in the Morning
The Summer Olympics
The time when Ian made out with Bill
The US Marine Core
The walk of shame
Time Travel
Tree forts
Turning 21
USC scandal
Waking up at noon
Warm Krispy Kremes
Wood n’ Caulk

Friday, April 2, 2010

Dyngus Day Celebration

After possibly the best night of flipcup choreographed celebratory dances ever, I stay awake to speak of a great tradition that will soon be upon us. No, not Easter, but Dyngus day.

Have you heard of dyngus day ever? i have not. i just heard about it a few days ago. apparently it is a polish event celebrated the monday after easter. i don't know the gory details, but it involves girls throwing water onto the guys, and guys (here's the part that got my attention) get to hit the girls with sticks!

While i do not condone domestic violence, i applaud this tradition of juvenile behavior. after all, the fact that it's a tradition holds up in court, right? i mean, that's how native americans can still hunt whales. Also, being anti-girls makes this the best anti-girl celebration of the year, since there are no other anti-girl holidays. by the way, we must rectify this blatant oversight...

So while i do not want to overlook the significance of easter (and it's corresponding, kick ass celebration), i wish you all the best dyngus day. on that day, may you speak softly and carry a big stick.